How to End the Toxic Cycle of Trauma Bonding?
What is trauma bonding? Trauma bonding is an emotional connection that forms between a victim and an abuser in a relationship featured by the abuse cycle. The abuser may alternate between being kind and cruel, which can create confusion and reinforce the bond.
In a romantic relationship, the abuser would criticize, manipulate, or physically abuse the victim but also be “kind” and “amazing” to the victim at times. This difference creates a gap and confuses the victim. The victim might perceive the kindness and amazingness of the abuser as a form of love and, therefore, continue to stay in the toxic relationship.
Because I’ve run into a mentally abusive relationship, and because I’ve successfully left it, and rebuilt myself based on the pains he gave me, so I would like to share my advice with you on how to leave it.
The core cause of Trauma Bonding and domestic violence is the victim doesn’t believe they deserve a higher version of love. They mistake the reinforcement of being kind and cruel, which is sometimes the only version of love they deserve. People growing up in strict families are more likely to run into abusive relationships and mistake that kind of relationship as normal. We all have our perceived norm of a normal relationship, and victims of trauma bonding, just think it’s acceptable to be mistreated.
They are unaware that they are living in a dream believing that struggles and pains are normal and acceptable. If they realize they are living a bad dream, they will start to wake up.
The key to ending such a toxic relationship is to accept a new belief that I am loved, and I deserve to be loved. Love sounds like a pink bubble that bursts anytime, but you gotta believe in love. Love is God, and god is love. Even though life looks a little bit dark right now, but you gotta believe that the love for you exists. When you believe in love, you will carry a radar to detect who should you align with, and you will be able to see those could help you out of the darkness.
When I was at the final stage of staying in that abusive relationship with my ex, things got worse, I could end up living on the street if I left him. But I believed that I was loved, I believed that I deserved to be loved, and my hero showed up, and he got me out of that abusive crime scene, and we have been happily married since then.
This miracle happened because I believed in love.
In addition to believing in love, you need to stop judging yourself. That is the toxin you put inside of you, and it attracts toxins outside of you. You need someone to tell you that something is wrong with you. You need someone to correct you. Therefore, you attract an abuser who keeps telling you that you are not good. And you need that. Once you realize this is also an addiction, you will start releasing your “drug” — the person who constantly tells you that you are no good.
You will want to start feeling good. You will want to start breathing the air of freedom. And the person who makes you feel better will show up. He/she will not be perfect, but he/she will show up, and you will start a new chapter of your life.
